sharing Moments, not a mortgage

I’ve been sitting on this post for two weeks, hesitant to hit publish yet anxious to get it all out.

This whole being single and dating thing – I’m not good at it.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m * OK * with being single, I just don’t do it very well.

The last time I dated I was in my early twenties and I find not much has changed.

Heh.  Dating.  <shakes her head>

It’s a loaded word, isn’t it?  How pressed we are to make sure our status is undefined – ‘seeing each other’, ‘hanging out’, ‘chillin’ out’.  And to what end, really?  To make sure our partner 100% understands that this ‘isn’t serious?  To avoid making a commitment to one sole person? 

What is this, 10th grade?

Dating isn’t the same as ‘we’re serious’.

Sex & companionship don’t equate love.

The sex-companionship-love cocktail doesn’t automatically get you in ‘serious’ territory, even if you’re spending most of your free time together (knock her up though and you’ll get a violent shove towards serious).

One can participate in a pleasantly fulfilling monogamous relationship, sharing your moments and truly enjoying each other’s company (and yes, the sex).  You can love each other, fiercely, and yet none of this makes your relationship a serious one.

Serious is all that and much more

It’s planning for the future.

Serious is Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning.  Serious is cohabiting.

Serious is something you both choose, and it doesn’t happen overnight.

What Angele Wants

I want to share more than drinks and clean sheets.  I want to enjoy being ‘us’ – whatever the fuck that means today.

I want to be that person you call to gripe about the traffic and I care about your mom’s recovery from that fall.  I want to know when I’ll see you next – I’m not needy and clingy, I just don’t do well with unknowns – they make me anxious and I prefer to be calm.

I don’t want to be compartmentalized into one part of your life – I want to take part in it.

Still, I realize that for many this is all just too muchIt was too much 15 years ago, and it’s too much now.

I’m too much. 

I know that.  I always have been.

I’m too forward.  I laugh too loud.  I speak my mind.  I go after what I want, be it a career or a quick romp in the hay.

My professional skills span too many industries.  I interrupt, I get too excited, I’m loud, and why all the goddamned sparkly clothes!

I don’t fit in your box.

I probably never will.  But if you’re willing to look past that you’ll find a simple, no-nonsense woman who loves life.

Let’s go hiking, fly a plane upside down, or Netflix and chill.  A good ‘ole comedy and some action-packed adventure flick sounds great.  I’ll get the popcorn and wine.

Enjoy being with me Let me enjoy being with you.  I want to share moments, not a mortgage.

I know that, today, I don’t want to spend my moments wonderingwe’re too old for this shit.

I know, I know…. you don’t have to say it

Too much