Parenting with White Lies
Last night I found ‘Liar Liar’ on Netflix and bribed the kids to watch an ‘old person movie’ with their crazy mom.
Joke’s on them, they actually enjoyed it! Jasmine had a hoot when she discovered one of my oft-repeated lines came from that movie – when Jim Carey announces the arrival of a character by signing “Here She Comes to Wreck the Day!!!!”.
She’s growing fast that one, and starting to grasp the nuances of sarcasm and wit. A great skill… until its used on us parents lol. But I digress.
The movie got me thinking about white lies. Those little nuggets of half-truths we tell to soften the blow, ease a difficult conversation, or avoid hurting someone. Don’t try to tell me you don’t do it – every parent becomes masters of The White Lie whether we want to or not.
So here are my white lies ’cause I know y’all won’t spill the beans to my kids right? Right?!?
The tooth fairy needs to know you lost your tooth by 6PM or she may not get the message on time. She leaves her home with limited coins so you’ll get something different each time.
When my oldest lost her first tooth I slipped a 5$ bill under her pillow. My mom thought I’d forgotten and she ALSO slipped a 5$ in there. $10 for one tooth. Oy.
The next time, she got 1$, 1 day late. She. Was. Pissed. So I did what any self-respecting parent would do and said the first thing to come to mind: she doesn’t have a cell phone so I can’t call her after 6pm and she has a set number of coins for each night, so you may get something different each time.
To this day she still says the Tooth Fairy is on a budget and ‘you get what you get and that’s what you get… but I hope not too many kids lost their tooth today!’
I know you jumped off the bunk bed because I can see through walls
Seriously? My kids are so. flipping. loud! I know exactly when they’re up to something ’cause I hear it all. Every jump, fall, and pummeling comes straight to my ears. But yes….. Of course I see through walls.
“I’m just going to the bathroom – and it’s going to take a while. I’ll be right back I promise”
I’ve used this one a few times. When we were trying to get rid of Jasmine’s soother (she had terrible rashes on her lips from it), when Annabelle couldn’t find her stuffie before bedtime, and when Chloe transitioned from the playpen to a toddler bed.
I’d tell Jasmine that I couldn’t find her soother but I’d go looking for it soon as I was done in the washroom and bring it to her. The next morning? ‘I came in and you were already sleeping’. Conveniently, I’d lost it again by bedtime. It took 10 days of ‘losing’ soothers to break this habit. Maybe that’s why my kid thinks I’m full of shit?
The younger two are more skeptical than Jasmine was at their age, but I do manage to get away with this one once in a while.
What white lies do you tell your kids? Do you have a few standing favorites? Share them below!
Once you’re done lying to your kids about your digestive system check out Bloodline, a new Netflix Original Series that follows a family caught between the ugly truth and a terrible lie. This would be a great time to steal some Easter chocolate and come up with an excuse later.
As a member of the Netflix #Streamteam I have been compensated for this post. All views & opinions – as are my carefully (ahem) crafted white lies – are my own :).